How To Put Yourself First: 5 Easy & Effective Ways
As we start a new year, it’s normal to feel reflective - thinking about your life and setting goals or intentions for yourself for the new year.
With the first week of the year in the books, the most common intention I heard from clients was to put themselves first.
More and more people are recognizing the need to prioritize themselves, and with that, I wanted to write a blog about exploring what it means to put yourself first, why it’s important to do so, and various ways you can start to put yourself first this week.
What Does It Mean to Put Yourself First
To put yourself first means taking care of yourself before you care for others. This includes making time to care for yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It means not sacrificing what you need to do to care for yourself in place of doing things for others.
This requires strong boundaries and self-worth, and this can be a hard concept to understand and put into action for a number of reasons, including:
Cultural Factors
Somewhere along the way, our culture adopted the idea that putting yourself first is selfish.
I see this changing gradually, but it is still deeply ingrained in American culture and other similar cultures around the world.
I did not grow up in a religious household, but I have helped many clients explore their religious identities and have learned a lot from them about how their religious upbringings contributed to their difficulty with putting themselves first.
Although well-intended, some religious teachings and commandments can lead to feelings of shame and guilt when one puts themselves first.
Whether directly, e.g. through religious teachings or from parents / guardians, or indirectly, e.g. being given a positive label like “generous” when putting others first, many people have been taught that they should care for others before themselves, and that if they put themselves first, they are being selfish, inconsiderate, or “bad.”
Low Self-Esteem / Self-Worth
There are numerous reasons someone with low self-esteem / self-worth might put other people before themselves. Some of those reasons include:
They don’t feel like they are enough or worthy of taking care of themselves, so they struggle with putting themselves first and with taking care of themselves in general.
They have people pleasing tendencies. People pleasers tend to put others first in order to be liked and gain the acceptance of others.
They don’t believe that they are enough without offering something more, such as going out of their way to take care of others’ needs, which can lead to sacrificing their own self-care.
In my book Self-Love Journal for Women, you’ll find prompts and practices focused on putting yourself first!
Why It’s Important to Put Yourself First
It’s important to put yourself first because, as you may have heard, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to properly take care of others because you will not have the physical or emotional capacity to do so.
You might be able to get by with doing this temporarily, but you will find yourself experiencing negative effects in the long run.
Some of the possible negative effects of continually not putting yourself first include:
Related physical symptoms
Physical and emotional exhaustion and burnout
General dissatisfaction in life and relationships
You may end up feeling taken advantage of by others. Even if they are not asking you to take care of them before taking care of yourself, you still may feel as though your relationships are unbalanced and lacking fulfillment.
How to Put Yourself First
As humans, we are needy. We need a lot of different things that require our care each day. The good news is many of the things we need don’t have to take a lot of time, and when we are taking care of ourselves regularly, they don’t take as much effort either.
Self-care becomes more laborsome when it is neglected. For example:
Your partner works a different shift than you do. They have expressed that they feel disconnected in your relationship and want to spend more time with you.
You decide to sacrifice your consistent sleep schedule in order to spend time with your partner before they leave for work. This leads you to feeling more tired and you struggle to take care of yourself in other ways throughout the day.
Imagine, instead, that you come up with a different solution with your partner, so that you can keep your consistent sleep schedule. This allows you to continue caring for yourself in the ways that you want and need throughout each day.
Here are a number of ways you can put yourself first on a regular basis:
Schedule time for yourself each day, at least 5 minutes. You might be surprised how much of a difference even 5 minutes to yourself can make. Use this time to meditate, use grounding techniques, sit in silence, or do an activity you enjoy, like reading or coloring.
Make time for basic physical self-care, including personal hygiene, drinking enough water, eating enough food, and getting enough sleep.
Make time for daily physical movement, as well. This could be going to the gym, stretching, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. For those who work from home or in other sedentary jobs, it can be especially important to be mindful of how much movement you are getting daily and find ways to incorporate more movement.
Take breaks during work. Schedule breaks and don’t skip over them or work through them.
When asked to make plans or add a task to your schedule, take your time to check in with yourself before responding. Ask yourself questions like “Do I really want to do that?," “If I say yes, am I being genuine or am I trying to please someone else?,” or “If I say yes, am I giving up my ‘me time’?” Learn to listen to your intuition, so you make value-aligned decisions and don’t over-schedule yourself.
I’m not suggesting you do all of this, everyday. Instead, continue doing anything on this list that you’re already doing and choose one thing from the list to add to your life this week.
Continue adding new ways to prioritize yourself until you feel like you have a strong routine of putting yourself first (PYF routine) in small ways throughout each day.
Your PYF routine may ebb and flow throughout different phases of your life (becoming a parent, starting a new job, etc.), in fact I can almost guarantee that it will, and that’s ok.
Keeping that in mind will help when life changes come, so that, instead of slipping out of the habit of putting yourself first, you can give yourself grace and flexibility to adjust your PYF routine, as needed.
Final Notes
Taking care of yourself before you care for others is an important skill to develop in order to make sure you’re maintaining your own wellness.
Without putting yourself first, you can find yourself feeling depressed, anxious, stressed, and physically and emotionally burned out.
If you have trouble putting yourself first, you’re not alone. It is a common struggle due to cultural factors and low self-esteem / self-worth.
There are lots of ways you can start putting yourself first as soon as today, and you can slowly build up a strong, daily PYF routine.
If you’ve checked out my book, I’d love to know which parts of it have been most helpful for you! Feel free to DM me on Instagram or send me an email.
Take The First Step With No Worries Wellness: Self-Worth Counseling & Mental Health Services in Wisconsin
If you have trouble putting yourself first, you’re not alone. It is a common struggle due to cultural factors and low self-esteem/self-worth.
If you're ready to begin prioritizing yourself, I’m here to help. Reach out to schedule a consultation and discover how I can support you on your journey toward better self-worth and mental health.
Read more: Why Self-Love Is Important (And Learning To Love Myself In The Process)
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