“No” is a Complete Sentence.
You probably hear about “boundaries” all the time. But why? What makes boundaries such a hot, important topic??
Boundaries are an incredibly important part of self-care.
Without boundaries in our life, we put our mental health at risk. We put having healthy relationships with others at risk. And we are at risk of putting others’ needs before our own and being left with resentment, disappointment, frustration, overwhelm, and sadness.
Types of Boundaries & Examples
With self —> setting a time to go to bed and sticking to it on a regular basis.
With others —> saying “no” to your friend who has asked you to be a part of their bachelorette party due to feeling overwhelmed with your own busy schedule.
With work —> cutting work off at the end of your day, maybe especially important when working from home.
With social media —> limit social media use to 30 minutes per day (or whatever amount you decide is appropriate and realistic for you).
Setting & Maintaining Boundaries
Decide what you need from the relationship or situation vs. what is negotiable. There are some instances in which we need firm boundaries and some that may allow for some flexibility. Take some time to reflect and decide what those instances are for you.
Remember you are worthy of setting the boundaries that your need in your life. Give yourself permission to set boundaries, even with people close to you.
Establish your boundary. Communicate your boundary to the other person (or yourself). Writing it down can also be helpful to solidify and remind yourself of this boundary.
Know that others might push back against your boundary. When this happens, my favorite thing to remember is that those are the boundaries you probably need most. If someone is giving you a hard time, that is even more reason to keep that boundary firmly in place.
Honor your boundary. You may feel like you want to give in, but it is important that you stay firm. This might look like, “I understand that you’re upset, but I need to keep this boundary in place for myself and to maintain our relationship.”
You may get discouraged when you first start setting boundaries for yourself and can’t yet stay firm with them, or at least not all the time. That’s okay! Setting boundaries is like anything else. You need practice to feel more comfortable and gain confidence in doing it. The more you do it, the more likely you will be to stay firm in those boundaries and be able to set them without any explanation. That might seem far off right now, but that’s okay, too. You have to start somewhere!
Take 5-10 mintues to reflect.
What relationships do you have that could use some boundaries? You know, the ones that leave you feeling resentful, frustrated, etc.
In what ways do you need to set new boundaries with yourself (mental, physical, or emotional)?
How do you betray current boundaries you have already set with yourself or others?
Choose one boundary that you would really benefit from having in your life now. How can you set that boundary this week? Go out and set it!
Remember to ESTABLISH, COMMUNICATE, and HONOR.