Where Perfectionism Comes From: 2024 Olympics Edition
The 2024 Summer Olympics have arrived with breaking dancing, Snoop Dogg, and all.
I haven’t had a chance to watch much of the Olympic games yet, but I was able to watch some of the men’s skateboarding street finals yesterday.
I started playing tennis and basketball at a young age. Then I went on to play volleyball and softball on school and club teams through high school and continued to play on recreational teams for years after that.
In short, I love sports. I love playing and watching many different sports. I even considered pursuing a career in sports psychology.
One thing I don’t love about sports is the unhealthy culture that many continue to perpetuate in the sports world.
Thankfully, with more widespread access to sports psychologists and mental health professionals in general, this culture has changed in many ways, but, as we can hear in the way sports announcers converse, the unhealthy sports culture still exists.
By unhealthy sports culture, I mean the culture that is full of “tough love,” impossibly high expectations, and, as a result, is a breeding ground for perfectionism.
But perfectionism has other sources outside of the sports world, too, which I will share in this blog.
If you or someone you know might be a perfectionist, increasing your understanding about perfectionism is the first step.
In this blog, you’ll read about the signs of perfectionism and the internal and external factors that are at the root of perfectionism.
Signs of Perfectionism
Holding high expectations for yourself and or for others
Harsh negative self-talk and being overly critical of mistakes
Having a need for control
Procrastination
Difficulty accepting constructive feedback
Anxiety and depression
Low self-worth
Where Perfectionism Comes From
Internal Factors
Genetics
There is research that suggests that there is a genetic aspect to perfectionism. This research has shown that perfectionism can run in families.
Personality Traits
Personality traits, which can also be genetic, can play a role in perfectionism, as well. Certain personality traits, like being Type A or very detail oriented, may make you more likely to have perfectionistic traits.
Fears and Anxiety
Internal, and sometimes deep rooted, fears can lead to perfectionism. These fears might include:
Fear of failure
Fear of judgment
Fear of disappointing others
These fears can come from a wide variety of sources, such as traumatic or other negative experiences.
Because of these fears, perfectionism and anxiety and anxiety-related conditions, particularly obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), people pleasing, and social anxiety, often come as a pair.
For example, if you are someone who feels anxious in and about social situations because of a fear of judgment, you may have that fear because you want to show up “perfectly” and some part of you believes if you don’t show up “perfectly,” people won’t like you or will be disappointed with you.
Another commonality that ties anxiety and perfectionism together and can be at the root for both is a need for control.
External Factors
High Expectations
Holding high, usually impossible to meet, expectations for yourself and or for others are a key sign of perfectionism.
These high expectations may come from your family, especially your parents or caregivers, your culture, or other influential sources, such as:
Coaches and sports teams
Teachers and academic pressures
Religion and religious leaders
Professional settings
Social media
Because these high expectations are impossible to meet, this often leads to harsh negative self-talk and constantly striving for goals you won’t be able to reach, which leaves you feeling inadequate and like you are never enough.
Sports and other settings, like academics, are set up in a way where there is the possibility to reach “perfection.” A perfect 10. An A+.
The problems lie in the expectations and how failures are handled.
If the expectation is to always reach “perfection,” to constantly strive for more and being better, this leads to perfectionism.
If failures and mistakes are met with criticism, “tough love,” or alienation, this can cause or add to the internal factors that contribute to perfectionism, including anxiety and depression, low self-worth, harsh negative self-talk, and your own high expectations.
This doesn’t leave room to be human, to make mistakes, or to have an off day.
Childhood Experiences
Childhood experiences, like abuse, neglect, or growing up with emotionally immature or perfectionist parents, can contribute to the development of your own perfectionistic traits.
As a child, perfectionism, like people pleasing, may have started as a coping skill that helped you receive love and attention in an environment where you felt you wouldn’t have gotten love and attention otherwise.
Special Note on Parents and Caregivers
Although parents and caregivers have been mentioned in other sections, I wanted to include an additional note for them because I believe they can be some of the most influential factors for many people and they fit into both internal and external factor categories.
Parents and caregivers can contribute to the development of perfectionism in two ways:
Biologically via genetics and personality traits
Environmentally via modeling perfectionism by holding high expectations for themselves or their children, talking to or about themselves and others critically, or creating an environment in which the children feel they need to be “perfect” in order to please the parent or caregiver.
Final Notes
As a sports lover, I’ve noticed how prevalent perfectionism continues to be in the sports world.
Perfectionism can be recognized by holding high expectations for self or others, harsh self-talk, being overly critical about mistakes, and procrastination.
The roots of perfectionism can be internal and or external, including genetics, fear and anxiety, high expectations, and childhood experiences.
Now that you are aware of some signs of perfectionism and where perfectionism comes from, you may recognize some perfectionistic traits within yourself.
Remember increasing your understanding about perfectionism is the first step, so you are one step closer to making changes to your perfectionist tendencies so that they have a less negative impact on your life.
Support for New Mental Health Professionals: New Helpers Haven group
Feelings of anxiety and imposter syndrome are not uncommon for new professionals in the mental health field. If this sounds like you, my virtual New Helpers Haven group is here to support you. Reach out today to join the Fall 2024 session, available for mental health interns, training licensees, and newly licensed professionals in Wisconsin, Florida, Utah, and Vermont.
If you’ve checked out my book, I’d love to know which parts of it have been most helpful for you! Feel free to DM me on Instagram or send me an email.
Read more: Simone Biles: Putting Your Needs First
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