How to Stop Overthinking
Lying awake at night with racing thoughts, struggling to make decisions without second-guessing yourself, replaying conversations over and over again.
If you do any of the above, you might be an overthinker, and if that’s you, you’re in the right place.
I love working with overthinkers. As a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), one approach I take to overthinking is that it is a part of you.
The Overthinking part, like all other parts of you, is important and has a purpose (more on that below).
The Overthinking part, not always but, often develops as a coping strategy in high stress environments and situations to help give you a sense of control in situations that otherwise feel out of your control.
By using the strategies listed below, you may be able to find new ways for that overthinking part to feel less frustrating and more helpful.
Address This Part of You With Compassion
One of the reasons I love IFS is because it is known as a “non-pathologizing” therapy approach (viewing human emotions, behaviors, and differences as logical, adaptive responses to life experiences rather than as mental illnesses or broken parts that need to be fixed) and goes really well with self-compassion, which I also use regularly in my practice.
When we can view these different parts of ourselves as “parts” of us (rather than enmeshed with who we are), we’re often able to be much kinder to ourselves.
Instead of “I’m such an overthinker. I really hate that I can’t stop thinking about this. What is wrong with me?,” you can begin to feel this “This is the Overthinking part of me. I know that part is trying to help me, and I appreciate that, but I have other strategies that would be more helpful right now.”
If that sounds weird to you, that’s ok.
It does sound weird at first, but I encourage you to give it a try. Not just once, but a few times. See if it starts to feel helpful and less weird.
“Even if” Technique
If you’re an overthinker, you are no stranger to the “what if” worries.
What if I fail? What if they say no? What if (insert next terrible thing here) happens?
These are catastrophizing thoughts (jumping to the worst case scenario) that are very common for people who tend to overthink.
One quick strategy to work with these thoughts is to change “what if” to “even if.”
Instead of “what if I don’t pass this test?,” try “even if I don’t pass this test, I will be ok.”
This may not be applicable to every situation, but give it a try!
“Closed Case” Technique
This is another technique that some people have found success with. When you are overthinking, repeat to yourself 3-5 times, “I’ve had this thought before but it’s a closed case. I’ve already litigated this and won’t come to a different conclusion. It has had its day in court.”
Thought Diffusion
There are two different thought diffusion strategies you can try with racing or looping thoughts.
The first strategy is to write your thoughts down. Then say them out loud 10 times in a funny voice.
The second strategy is to put the phrase “I’m having the thought that” in front of upsetting thoughts. This helps create distance from the thought. You are not the thought, but rather, you are having the thought.
Both of these strategies help put distance between you and the thoughts, which can help them feel lighter and become less frequent over time.
Learn What It’s Job Is
As frustrating and exhausting as this Overthinking part can be, it really means well, and like mentioned above, it has a purpose.
Its purpose might be protecting you from something (like feeling a difficult emotion) or distracting you from something (like a hurtful situation or memory).
It may even be working with your Self-Sabotaging part, keeping you in a thought loop instead of taking action towards a goal.
Whatever it is, the Overthinking part thinks that it’s helping you in the only ways it knows how.
And its purpose probably really was helpful at some point, maybe when you were experiencing a highly stressful time in your life, and it may be at the point where it’s now more unhelpful than helpful.
Finding out the purpose of your Overthinking will help you understand that part of yourself and that part of yourself feel understood.
This will lead to less frustration with yourself when you overthink, and it will help you better meet your needs, giving your Overthinking part a new purpose.
So, how do you find out what it's purpose is?
Start by asking yourself what the Overthinking is trying to do or achieve.
Is it trying to get certainty about a situation, reduce anxiety, avoid a feeling?
When you find out what the Overthinking is trying to do, it’ll be easier to actually get the need met.
If it’s trying to reduce anxiety, what other strategies can you use that will actually help reduce the anxiety (as we know, Overthinking usually doesn’t decrease anxiety. In fact, it often does the exact opposite!)?
If it’s trying to avoid a feeling, can you figure out what feeling it is avoiding and allow yourself to feel that feeling instead?
Overthinking may be playing multiple roles, but the more you check in with this part of you and find out what it’s trying to do, the easier it will be to work with it rather than feel frustrated by it.
Final Notes
Overthinking is very common and can show up in your life in a number of ways, like laying awake at night with racing thoughts or replaying conversations you’d had over and over in your mind.
While it’s also common to feel frustrated with this part of yourself, it can be really helpful to get to know the Overthinking part of you to help decrease frustration and actually get your needs met.
Some other ways of addressing overthinking that you may find helpful are self-compassion, the “even if” technique, the “case closed” technique, and thought diffusion.
These strategies likely won’t make your overthinking stop completely, and it doesn’t necessarily have to (as we’ve learned, it may have an important purpose).
However, the hope is that these strategies will help:
The overthinking become quieter and less frequent over time
You have a better understanding of it
You know how to better meet your needs beyond overthinking
You feel less frustrated with overthinking and with yourself
Support for Women: Tame Your Mind group
If you experience anxiety, chronic self-doubt, people pleasing, and/or perfectionism and maybe have a history of complex trauma, you’re not alone. It can feel like you are, but I can tell you from personal and professional experience, you are not. To gain support from others who have had similar experiences, my virtual Tame Your Mind group is here to support you.
Past group members have expressed that the validation, understanding, and support they received in the group was life-changing for them. Reach out today to join the next session starting July 2026, available for women in Wisconsin, Florida, Utah, and Vermont.
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