The Grief of College Freshmen: Causes of and How to Cope with Grief
You were accepted to school and now you’re getting ready to leave. The excitement was building, you felt ready to get on with your life. Then, suddenly, you notice a shift. It’s getting closer and closer to the time to start your freshman year, and you’re excitement has been replaced with a whole new bag of emotions. Now, you’re worried and confused - but what you are feeling is probably totally normal!
It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. A mix of excitement, nervousness, uncertainty, and grief. We often learn that grief is what we experience after a death, but grief can be experienced with any loss. Loss of a relationship or friendship, a job, an idea of what your life would be, and more.
When students are leaving for their first year of college, it seems like we often forget to acknowledge the grief that they may be experiencing. There are so many things to grieve when going through a significant life change, and starting college is no different for many people.
I recently spoke with a few of my clients about the grief associated with their experiences as they were getting ready to leave for school, which made me realize that I wish someone had spoken to me about this, as well. This inspired the idea to write this blog, so that maybe others can feel validated and gain greater understanding of what they are feeling as they head off to college for the first time.
Signs of Grief*
Difficulty concentrating
Thoughts of harming yourself
Lack of joy or interest in things
Changes in your sleep or eating patterns
Feeling numb, irritable, sadness, or restlessness
Isolating yourself or feeling disconnected from others
Physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, soreness, fatigue, etc.
Difficulty taking care of yourself, such as not showering or skipping class frequently
You Might Be Grieving..
Loss of the routine and structure you had at home for many years.
College schedules grant you much more freedom, which is great in so many ways but it can also be difficult in other ways. You may have gotten very used to your high school and home schedules over the years, and now you are expected to adjust to a completely new routine.
Relationships with school friends or staff who you may not see or talk to again.
There are likely some people who you know from elementary, middle, or high school who you may not see as frequently, not until your 10 year high school reunion, or not ever again. Although these are probably not people who you were especially close to, it can still be difficult to realize and experience this.
Relationships with family and close friends who you will not see or talk to as often.
For many, probably more clear, reasons, it can be very difficult to experience this change. Even if you are not going to school far from home, this can be difficult because you will not see your family or friends as often as you had throughout your earlier years.
Your pets!
This is a big one. Pets are often seen as part of the family, and it can be so difficult to leave them when you head off to school.
How to Manage this Grief
Use technology.
Technology can be a huge help here. Facetime with your family, friends, and even your pets. Call and text loved ones regularly to stay connected.
Be intentional about maintaining the relationships that are important to you.
Schedule times to facetime, call, or meet up with the people who are really important to you. This is often a time of a lot of transitions, including changes in friendships. It’s okay to let go of some relationships, while you commit more time to dedicate to others that you want to prioritize.
Spend time creating and adjusting to your new routine.
Many new college students are excited about the increase in independence and freedom that they will have. Taking charge of your routine is one way to enjoy this newfound independence. Take time to schedule your days and weeks to find a new routine that works for you.
Acknowledge that this is a difficult and important / exciting time of your life.
Being aware and acknowledging how you feel can be a great help. It can also be helpful to acknowledge that two, or more, things can be true at the same time. You can feel sad and excited, nervous and ready, lonely and overwhelmed with social activities.
Get involved on campus.
It can be helpful to find a support network on campus. It may take a little bit to find a good fit for you, but keep trying and you will find it. I found my support group during my junior year of college when I began working for our school’s football team. Although it would’ve been great to find them sooner, I am so thankful to have met them and it made my junior and senior years so much better.
Talk to someone about it.
Most colleges have free counseling services on campus, which can be a great resource for you. They may even have small groups of your peers, who you may be able to relate to because they may be feeling similarly to you. You can also find professional support off-campus or talk to trusted family or friends about how you’re feeling.
*Sources: https://www.psychguides.com/grief-management/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK217845/