4 Ways to Stop Overgeneralizing
I didn’t tell her everything that happened yesterday. I’m a liar. I shouldn’t be trusted.
I missed that turn. I’m a terrible driver.
I hit two red lights in a row. I always hit every red light!
She got a D on her last test. She’s not a good student.
A man got robbed yesterday. This city is completely unsafe.
These are examples of overgeneralizing, which is another common cognitive distortion. Overgeneralizing means to assign one or a limited set of experiences to all experiences. This can be assigned to current or future experiences.
Example: “I missed turning in an assignment. I am always forgetful and a poor student. I won’t be able to remember turning in my assignment next week either.”
In extreme forms, overgeneralizing can be dangerous and lead to biases such as sexism, racism, and homophobia. People who hold these biases are basing limited experiences on an entire group of people.
Example: Someone encounters a woman who is a poor driver, and this person now thinks that all women are poor drivers.
Overgeneralizing is similar to all or nothing thinking (discussed in my previous blog) in a few ways. Both types of cognitive distortions don’t leave much - if any - room for error. In both, you often use words like “always,” “never,” and “every.” Also, both types of unhealthy thinking patterns can be related to depression, anxiety, perfectionism, and low self-esteem. They are often negative and feed into or exacerbates negative views of self, others, and life.
Overgeneralizing can also negatively impact your relationships with others.
She was late last time. She’s always late.
He didn’t say ‘I love you’ last night. He never says I love you before we go to sleep.
They forgot to take the garbage out. They forget every time.
These types of thoughts can make you feel more resentful towards others, and it can make others feel more judged or criticized by you.
4 Ways to Stop Overgeneralizing
Identify Thinking Patterns
Before you can make any changes to your thinking patterns, you need to identify them. This may sound like a daunting task but it can be more simple.
One way of the most helpful ways to do this is to be mindful of your thoughts. Pay attention to them and write them down. You can write them in a journal or use a thought record (search Google for a template that you like). As you’re becoming more aware of your thoughts and writing them down, you may be able to identify patterns.
Reframe Overgeneralized Thoughts
Now that you have identified thinking patterns, you can begin to reframe and replace your overgeneralized thoughts. You can do this in a number of ways.
Use positive self-talk
Instead of “I got 5 wrong on my test last time. I know I’m going to get at least that many wrong again.” try “I got 5 wrong on my test last time. I studied as much as I could for this test, and I will try my best to get a better grade. Even if I still get 5 wrong, I know that I will do my best.”
Use realistic language
Instead of “I forgot to take the garbage out. I always forget things!" try “I forgot to take the garbage out. I often forget to do that.”
Remember That You’re Human
As a human, you will make mistakes. There’s no way around that. Shaming yourself for mistakes or using overgeneralizations will only make you feel worse.
It is not fair to yourself to treat you as if you are not allowed to make mistakes and to be human.
Remember that you are human and allow yourself to be human.
Using positive self-talk, self-compassion (discussed in my previous post), and building a growth mindset will help you in this way.
Focus on Developing a Growth Mindset
You may be wondering what is a growth mindset. Below are some examples of a fixed and a growth mindset to help you determine which one you tend to lean towards.
Fixed mindset:
Limiting, inflexible thinking
Belief that traits, talents, and intelligence are fixed
Belief that we cannot change
Mistakes or imperfections are viewed as failures
Feedback is received as criticism
Feels threatened by the success of others
Growth mindset:
Limitless, flexible thinking
Belief that you can learn, change, and grow
Embraces challenges
Welcomes feedback
Views failure as a learning opportunity
Feels inspired by the success of others
Which one do you tend to lean towards? If you lean towards a fixed mindset, there are ways to move towards a growth mindset, such as:
Accept challenges
Use the power of “yet” - “I do not know how to do this yet.”
Use other positive thinking and self-talk techniques
Reflect on yourself and identify your strengths and where you have room to grow
Create short-term and long-term goals for yourself that are achievable and meaningful to you
Practice asking for and accepting feedback from close and trusted loved ones
Practice mindfulness activities that help you stay in the present moment