Part Three: Let’s Get Compassionate. Self-Compassionate.
2020 has really opened my eyes to the extent of the lack of compassion and empathy in the world, and I would guess I’m not alone in this. That sounds overwhelmingly disheartening, but if we turn it into a way to work on our own self-compassion (more compassion for others comes along with that), then it becomes helpful and totally doable.
What is self-compassion?
I’m so excited to continue learning more about self-compassion and how to implement it in my life and my work with others, but this is what I have learned so far. It is a way of relating to, accepting, and talking to ourselves without judgment. That is a key piece - no judgment.
Kristin Neff (a pioneer in self-compassion work / research) offers a great comparison between self-esteem and self-compassion - as you can see in the pic below.
“By giving ourselves unconditional kindness and comfort while embracing the human experience, difficult as it is, we avoid destructive patterns of fear, negativity, and isolation.” - Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion
Our culture needs change, but in the meantime, we can change how we treat ourselves.
We live in a very competitive culture with a lot of comparison to others. Even unconsciously, we can find ourselves comparing to others our jobs, salaries, relationships, appearance, and just about everything else. It’s exhausting!
It’s easy to see how reducing this comparison and increasing our compassion for ourselves and others can be healthy for us.
If I look at someone else with genuine compassion for them without judgment on them or myself, this leaves little room for comparison.
There doesn’t need to be this constant competition to be the best or better than others. That’s what fuels our fair-weather friend: self-esteem.
Self-esteem raises when we do well or feel that we are “better than” someone else, but it leaves us high and dry when we perceive that we have not succeeded and that others “must” be doing “better than” us. Stop that comparison!!
Being imperfect is part of being human. When you feel “imperfect” or not “good enough,” instead of comparing to others, remember that it is normal to have imperfections and “perfectionism” is a made up, impossible standard to meet anyways.