How to Manage Holiday Stress
The holiday season is upon us again. I don’t know about you, but it feels like it has come very quickly this year. The holidays can bring holly, jolly, joyfulness and all of that, and it can also bring stress. Stress due to:
Obligatory (or at least what feels like obligatory) gatherings you may not want to partake in
Driving in the snow and dealing with cold weather
Fewer daylight hours
Financial strain
Busy schedules
On top of the added holiday stresses, the normal stresses of life typically don’t take a pause so it can feel that much more difficult, and it’s that much more important, to be diligent in managing the stress you are experiencing.
In order to try to have more of the joyfulness than the stress, there are some ways that you can attempt to manage the stress of the holidays. These ways include setting boundaries, engaging in regular self-care, taking time off, and having fun. Read on for more information on each of these stress management strategies and how to implement them around the holiday season.
Boundaries
Family/Loved Ones: Whether you like spending time with your family or not, boundaries are necessary to help manage your stress (and, in some cases, maybe maintain your sanity!). If you do like spending time with your family, it can still be helpful to set boundaries around how much time you spend at family gatherings, how much money you contribute for gift giving, and what topics of conversation you will engage in with them. If you do not like spending time with your family, these boundaries and more, like really limiting or possibly eliminating the amount of time spent with them, are important to your stress management.
With mid-term elections just passing, you might find more people discussing politics, and other topics that can be divisive, at the holiday dinner table. If you feel uncomfortable talking about these topics with others, it is okay and healthy to remove yourself from the conversation. Depending on the situation, you can remove yourself without saying anything or you can also make it known that you do not feel comfortable and will be leaving the conversation. If it is a one on one conversation, you can also ask that the subject be changed.
Work: Work boundaries around the holidays might look like setting your out of office messages and not responding to any messages when you are out of the office, taking time off (more on this below), setting financial limits around office gift exchanges, and setting time limits around holiday work parties. Whenever you can, stick to your work hours, don’t work through lunch, and say no to taking on additional work tasks that will overload your plate. I recognize that there are lots of unhealthy workplaces out there that may not allow you to set boundaries. These suggestions are more likely to be successful in a healthy workplace.
Food: Food is usually a big topic around the holidays, and after meeting with my current Tame Your Mind group, I was reminded of just how big it is and how much of an impact it can have on our mental health. Depending on your and or your family’s relationship with food and body image, the holidays can be a triggering time because most holiday gatherings revolve around food.
If your relationship with food and your body is challenging, it might be difficult to be present at gatherings because you’re thinking about food choices, what others think of your food choices, what others think of your body, etc. This was one thing that was discussed in our group meeting tonight. We also discussed how your family’s relationship with food, exercise, and their own bodies can have a significant impact on your own. If their relationships are unhealthy, it might be difficult to be around that for the holidays.
Boundaries you can set around food and body might sound like: “I don’t feel comfortable when you talk about my food choices (how my body looks, how my weight someone has lost or gained, etc.).” In group, we also discussed that family members may not be very receptive to you setting boundaries in these areas, especially when they have their own unhealthy relationships with food and body. If this is the case, try using ‘I statements' with your boundary or try removing yourself.
If you’re setting the boundary with someone who you care about and want to continue the relationship with, you could trying using an ‘I statement.’ This means including how their behavior is making you feel. For example, “When you talk about my appearance, I feel very uncomfortable and upset. Please stop talking about how I look.”
If you try this and the person still is not receptive or respectful of your boundary (and or it’s a person who you are okay with having distance from), it's okay and sometimes necessary to remove yourself. Move to a different conversation or take a break by yourself in a different room.
Self-Care
Regular self-care is important all year-round, and it is especially important during stressful times. General self-care ideas include:
Setting boundaries
Practicing self-soothing, grounding, and mindfulness techniques
Engaging in activities you enjoy
Practicing positive self-talk and self-compassion
Spending time outside
Daily physical movement
Hygiene self-care, including showering, brushing teeth, etc.
Meeting with a mental health professional
Holiday self-care can include all of the general self-care ideas, and it might also look a little different. Due to the change in seasons, you may need to adjust your self-care routine. If you typically spend a lot of time outside or take long drives, you may need to engage in other activities more often due to cold weather and icy roads. If you typically engage in activities that require a fee, you may need to find more free or low fee activities to balance out the possible financial strain of the holidays.
As I mentioned in a recent blog, my grandpa passed away earlier this year. This holiday season I’m reminiscing about Christmases spent at my grandparent’s house. Every year since I was born, I’ve spent Christmas Eve at my grandparent’s house, and until the past couple of years, my grandma and grandpa also came over to my mom’s house for present opening and dinner on Christmas Day. This will be the first Christmas (and Thanksgiving) without my grandpa.
Although we may still be able to spend Christmas Eve at their house this year, which I am grateful for, it will be a different experience without grandpa there. I mention this because grief can be very prominent around the holidays. If you have experienced a loss that is impacting your holidays this year (and any year), I empathize with you. I hope you remember that you’re not alone and that it is especially important for you to take care of yourself and seek the support that you need - whether that’s with loved ones, a mental health professional, support groups, and or other community like church.
Take Time Off
Have you noticed that some companies close their offices from the time between Christmas and New Years? Maybe you’ve even worked at one of those companies. I haven’t but it sounds like fantastic self-care for the whole company! It allows staff to spend time with their loved ones and take time for themselves, which we all need. As mentioned above, taking time off of work is a boundary. If it isn’t already built into your work schedule and you can take time off (even an extra day or half day), give yourself permission to take time off around the holidays.
I don’t know about you, but I have recognized that I feel like I need the day off after Christmas Day. Going to multiple gatherings with loved ones is enjoyable and also socially tiring. As much as I enjoy time with my family and in-laws, I also need alone time or time with just my husband to recharge. For others, who feel more energized by social gatherings, you might feel like you want the extra time off to engage in more socializing. Whatever the reason, try to take the time off around the holidays when you can. This helps to allow you to enjoy the holidays in the ways you need.
Have Fun
The holidays can be so busy. Watching Black Friday deals, coordinating schedules for holiday parties, cooking for those parties, going to those parties, etc. While some of that might be fun (and hopefully is), you might also miss out on the actual fun of the holidays while taking care of the “have to do” tasks. Make sure to leave time for fun.
Connect with your inner child by playing in the snow, watching your favorite holiday movies from childhood, engaging in family traditions. Create new traditions for yourself. Look up holiday activities in communities near you. Go ice skating. Have a dance party to holiday music. Make cookies in matching pajamas with your partner, friends, or kids. Reminisce on holidays past.
There’s so much opportunity for fun around the holidays. As we become adults, I think we forget to engage in fun as much as we do when we’re young. Responsibilities take over, and fun takes a backseat; however, fun and play is still important for all of us at any age. It’s an important piece of managing stress and enjoying life.
If you feel stress during the holidays, that is completely normal. Holiday stress happens for many different reasons. If it was just a choice, I’m sure we would all choose to simply enjoy the holidays, but unfortunately, stress seems to come with the territory of such a busy and socially saturated time of year. Healthy stress management, including boundaries, self-care, taking time off, and having fun, can help you have a more jolly holiday season.
Boundaries Resources
The Better Boundaries Workbook
Join me for the Better Boundaries Group (Starting January 10th, facilitated by me) - Virtual support group available to young women who live anywhere in Florida, Utah, Vermont, and Wisconsin.
Table Topics are a great option to help get conversations started, talk about topics that might not otherwise be brought up, or keep conversations away from divisive, inappropriate topics.
Not Your Mom’s Dinner Party (for a spicier crowd)
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