How to Cope When Holidays Are Hard
🎵 It's the most wonderful time of the year 🎵
Or is it?
My hope for everyone, of course, is that they can enjoy their holidays, but I also recognize that is not always reality. There are numerous reasons why the holiday season may not be as joyous as all the holiday songs say it is.
Financial Stressors
The holidays can be very stressful financially. All of the parties and get togethers often involve money - whether it’s buying food and drinks for guests, gifts for party hosts or family and friends, or getting caught up in the Black Friday sales by ending up buying a new vacuum for the 5th year in a row.
Family
Not everyone is excited to spend more time with family around the holidays. It’s not as joyous in some households. This can cause feelings of dread leading up to the holidays and other uncomfortable feelings while spending time with family.
Or maybe you want to spend time with your family but can’t for any number of reasons. There may be family members who aren’t comfortable getting together due to COVID-19. If you live away from family, there might be complications in traveling to see them. It can feel frustrating, disappointing, and sad when you are unable to see loved ones for the holidays.
Grief and Loss
Grief can be a huge factor around the holidays. Maybe the loss was a person or a pet. Maybe you or your partner lost their job. Or maybe it is the loss of a close relationship, a friend or romantic break up. Whatever the loss is, and whenever it happened, it may be bringing up a wide range of emotions for you around the holidays. This may look like sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, changes in your eating habits, and more.
The holidays can feel hard for many different reasons. Hopefully, the following suggestions will help you enjoy your holidays more than you have in the past or anticipate that you will this year.
Boundaries
Boundaries are the guidelines we use to teach others how to treat us and to let them know our limits and our needs. Communicating boundaries will contribute significantly to the success of your holidays. Boundaries will help you:
Get your needs met
Feel less stressed and resentful
Improve your relationships with others
Spend your time and energy wisely
Boundaries can be broken down into a number of categories, including emotional, physical, material, time, and more. Below you’ll find a few examples of holiday boundaries, and you can find more in my free ‘Holiday Boundaries’ resource, which you can download by joining my email list.
“I know you are having a hard time, but I still need you to treat me with respect.” (emotional)
Not encouraging anyone to engage in physical touch, like a hug, that they are not comfortable with - ex. a child doesn’t want to hug a family member (physical)
“We can only stay for two hours.” (time)
Setting boundaries during the holiday season, and throughout the year, is an act of self-love and an important part of your relationships with others.
Being Intentional About Making "Happy" Moments (No Matter How Small)
When you aren’t feeling your best or like yourself, it may be hard to imagine enjoying the holidays. If you’re grieving a loss, it may be hard to imagine the holidays without the person or thing that was lost. However, there may be ways to make happy moments (even really, really small ones) by being intentional about it.
Create a new tradition
Schedule alone time when needed
Make plans to see loved ones as often as you’d like
Schedule time to engage in an activity that you enjoy at least once per week
Engage in holiday activities, like sledding, decorating cookies, listening to holiday music, etc.
When grieving loss of a loved one (human or animal), try allowing yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to but also giving yourself permission to enjoy the holiday without your loved one present.
If you’re having a hard time thinking of something, ask yourself “What would make me happy?” Don’t hold back on the answers. Make a list of every single thing that would make you happy, no matter how unrealistic they may seem. From that list, find one or two things that you can make a reality and do them.
Reach Out for Support
A mental health professional is one great option for support during the holiday seasons (and ongoing throughout the year!). For financial stressors, you may find it helpful to speak with a knowledgeable loved one or a financial advisor to help you organize your finances and create a budget. For grief and loss, it may be helpful to join a grief support group to connect with others who are experiencing something similar as you. There are lots of great resources online, as well - just make sure that they are from reputable sources.
Holidays “should” be a wonderful time, but that’s not always reality. Setting healthy boundaries, being intentional about making enjoyable moments, and reaching out for support will help set you up for success in enjoying your holidays.