Tips for Dealing with the Social Anxiety of Weddings
Summer is in full force and that usually means a lot of get-togethers, traveling, and weddings - especially here in the Midwest where we have approximately 90 days of warm weather! Due to the Coronavirus pandemic, you may also be attending more weddings this year because of all the cancellations over the past year and a half.
Whether you’re the person getting married, you’re in the wedding, you’re related to or close friends with the people getting married, or you’re invited to the wedding (even if you’re not going!), weddings can bring a lot of stress and anxiety. One of the anxiety-inducing parts of a wedding can be the social aspect. Maybe you won’t know many people who are attending the wedding or maybe you will know people but you don’t particularly like them. Maybe you feel pressure to look, dress, or act a certain way at the wedding and fear others will judge you. Maybe social events are hard for you in general, and if that’s the case, you are not alone.
Experiencing social anxiety is very common. In fact, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, approximately 15 million people in the United States experience social anxiety. Many people who come to me for help with social anxiety symptoms are hoping to find better ways to manage or reduce the symptoms to feel better and to allow them to engage in social activities - and maybe even enjoy those activities!
Weddings are a celebration, and you deserve to have fun! The following suggestions may help you attend and actually enjoy weddings.
3 Ways to Manage the Social Anxiety of Weddings
Use anxiety management techniques.
Before the wedding, practice self-care and relaxation techniques, such as:
In the days or weeks leading up to the wedding: meditation, yoga, daily physical movement, get enough sleep the night / week before, prioritize what you need to do (and save the rest for later)
On the day of the wedding: eat breakfast and lunch, drink plenty of water, physical movement and or relaxation activities, plan for enough time to get ready
During the wedding, there are techniques that you can continue to use - even while surrounding by a bunch of people. These techniques include:
Grounding techniques. These help bring you to the present moment by using your senses to take the focus off of distressing thoughts and feelings.
Deep breathing
Challenge your negative or anxious thoughts
Take a break in the bathroom, outside, or other private space
Limit alcohol. Alcohol is a big part of many wedding receptions, but it can have a negative impact on anxiety, leading to more anxiety while intoxicated or heightened anxiety the following day(s).
Set boundaries.
Set a time limit for how long you’ll stay.
Set a limit on what topics you’ll talk about. If people begin talking about certain topics, like politics, religion, or anything else that makes you uncomfortable, excuse yourself from the conversation.
Set a limit for how much you can spend. Weddings are expensive, and not just for the people getting married. If you’re in the wedding party or even a guest buying a gift, weddings can run you anywhere from $50 to over $1000. The financial piece can be anxiety-inducing if you feel others are judging you for how much you are spending. Using the suggestion above, you can decide that talking about finances is off the table for you.
Don’t go.
You don’t have to go to every event you’re invited to. If attending the wedding is something that you feel will negatively impact your mental health and is not something you can cope with at this time, it is okay to politely decline the invitation.
Typically, when you are able to expose yourself to things that make you anxious (rather than avoid them), you will build confidence and tolerance to the anixety. Those experiences teach your brain that there is no threat and that you are safe.
However, with severe social anxiety, it’s best to start with small things to expose yourself to, such as going inside to order your food (instead of always ordering online) or a 1:1 lunch date in a small public space. Attending a wedding may be too big of a step right now, so it’s important to reflect on where you’re at with level of social anxiety and ability to cope with it to make the best decision for yourself.
These suggestions can help you attend and enjoy weddings, and they can also be helpful anytime you are experiencing social anxiety symptoms. The more you are able to practice these strategies and techniques, the more you will be able to free yourself from the control of social anxiety and enjoy your life.