4 Tips to Cope with Anxiety After a Breakup

Breakups are hard. They might be hard or very hard, but no matter what, breakups are hard for lot of different reasons.

One of those reasons is all of the emotions that follow. Breakups can come with so many different emotions, sometimes conflicting emotions. You might feel anger, love, hurt, disappointment, grief, and loneliness. It is also not uncommon to feel anxious after a breakup.

Maybe you’re anxious about seeing your ex or about not seeing your ex. Maybe you’re feeling anxious about picking up your stuff that’s at your ex’s house or not having someone to sleep next to.

You could be anxious about any number of other things, and that’s completely normal. It’s important to have healthy ways to cope with this anxiety to help you work through the healing process after a breakup.

4 Tips to Cope with Anxiety After a Breakup (The Healthy Way)

Use your support system. Don’t isolate yourself.

Talk to your loved ones. Spend time with them. Try your best to not isolate yourself because alone time can lead to an increase in anxious thoughts.

You may want to talk about the relationship and breakup with your loved ones or you may want to have a distraction from it all. Neither choice is “wrong,” but it is important to use distraction in moderation. Distraction can become unhealthy when it is used as a way to avoid. It’s important to process your thoughts and emotions related to the breakup at some point. You’ll find more on this below.

Take care of your basic needs.

After a breakup, you may be so distraught that you stop taking care of yourself. You may not be sleeping well at night, skipping meals during the day, and not showering for extended periods of time.

While going through a breakup, you may not be in a place where you can take care of yourself as well as you typically would, but it is important to try the best you can. If needed, ask a loved one to help support and encourage you in taking care of those basic needs.

You may wonder, what are basic needs? Basic needs include getting enough sleep and rest, eating enough and a balance diet, drinking plenty of water, shelter and warmth, and personal hygiene.

When we are not taking care of those basic needs, it can make it more difficult to manage stress, anxiety, and mood. Therefore, taking care of those needs is an important part of the healing process after a breakup.

Practice grounding techniques (and any of your other anxiety management / relaxation skills).

Grounding techniques are one of my favorite coping skills to talk about with my clients. These techniques help bring you to the present moment when you are experiencing distressing thoughts or emotions, and they are useful in so many different situations.

Many grounding techniques use your senses, while others are mental or self-soothing. The idea is to bring a sense of mindfulness by changing sensations and redirecting focus. There are many different grounding techniques to choose from, and these are a few of the most popular:

5,4,3,2,1 - Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

Use humor - Think of something funny (preferably something not related to your ex).

Cold water or ice - Run cold water over your hands. Drink cold water. Hold a piece of ice or rub an ice cube on your arms or face.

Touch objects - Touch various objects around you and describe them in as much detail as you can. What color? What size? What smell? How does it feel? Is it cold or warm? How does it make you feel?

Say kind words - Be kind to yourself, like you would to a friend and like a friend would be to you. “This breakup sucks. It’s hard, but I will make it through this. I can handle this, and this feeling will pass.”

Other anxiety management or relaxation techniques may be helpful, too. What are your favorites? What has worked for you in the past? It can be hard to think of new things to do, so think about what has already worked for you in the past. If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay. Here are some ideas for you:

Process your thoughts and emotions - You can do this through talking to loved ones or a professional, writing, creativity, and physical movement.

Physical movement - Physical movement is extremely helpful for anxiety management. Get your body moving every day by stretching, taking the stairs, yoga, talking a walk, etc.

Deep breathing - Breathing brings oxygen to your brain and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps promote a state of calm*.

Schedule time for worry - Maybe you’re worried about running into your ex at an upcoming event with mutual friends. It’s in two weeks. You can worry about it everyday until then, making you more and more anxious. Or you can schedule your worry for a day closer to the event.

Schedule it for a few days before when you can make a plan for how to handle it on the day of the event. Until then, when the worry tries to creep in, remind yourself that you have planned time for this worry on XXX day and it won’t be helpful to worry about it until then.

Reach out for professional support.

Reaching out to loved ones is important and helpful, but it may also be important and helpful for you to seek support from a professional. There’s no qualification needed to seek out that support. If you want more support, reach out. Search Google for ‘Therapists near me.’ It can be incredibly helpful to have an outside person, who doesn’t know your ex, help you navigate all of the anxiety and other emotions that can come after a breakup.

Remember: you can make it through this. Most of us have experienced at least one breakup at some point, and, as hard as they are, even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time, we do make it through to brighter, happier days again.

*https://www.stress.org/take-a-deep-breath