5 Keys to Success in Therapy
The start of a new year can be exciting. But it’s not a fresh start, unless you put effort into making it feel that way. It’s often a good time for self-reflection and creating goals, commitments to yourself, or “resolutions.”
As a therapist, I’ve noticed a lot of people reaching out recently who are brand new to therapy (maybe doing some of their own self-reflection in the new year?). And that’s exciting! I love working with people at any stage of their journey, but I find that there is something exciting and special about being someone’s first therapist.
With that said, I’ve been thinking about new and past clients who have been “successful” in therapy. Success looks so different for every person, so what does that really mean?
Here are a few general keys to being successful in therapy. This is not the end all be all. These are simply tips that I have gathered from what I have observed and experienced as a therapist and therapy client.
Keys to Success in Therapy
Find a good fit. It can be surprising to think about it this way, but not every therapist will be right for you and you won’t be right for every therapist. And it can be a frustrating process but so worth it. Establishing a strong therapeutic relationship is essential to your therapy experience.
Some things to look for in a therapist include: feeling understood and validated, feeling like your therapist is really listening to you, you like the style or approach your therapist uses, your personalities match pretty well, feeling like you can give your therapist feedback, and you feel safe in the room with him or her.
I also think it is worth giving any therapist at least 2-3 sessions before moving on, unless there is a significant issue present before then. Your nerves, or even the therapist’s nerves (yes, we might be nervous at first, too!), may affect your initial impression of the potential relationship.
Show up consistently. When first starting therapy, it’s important to attend sessions more frequently (usually weekly or biweekly depending on your needs). This allows for you to begin developing a strong relationship with your therapist and get in a groove of taking care of your mental / emotional health.
Everyone’s journey is different but, eventually, you will likely feel ready for less frequent sessions. However, even when you are meeting biweekly or monthly, it’s still important that you show up consistently. Show up physically but also mentally and emotionally. Making and keeping that commitment to yourself is important for many reasons and can strongly contribute to your success in therapy.
Be open. Being open to new ideas and constructive, supportive feedback from your therapist will be a significant help throughout your therapy experience.
Have realistic expectations. Change takes time and it is not linear. You or your child will not be “healed” within the first few sessions. You may feel worse before you feel better. Or you may feel some relief initially and then feel worse before you feel better again.
You may also notice positive changes for awhile, then feel stagnant, then feel like you’re moving “backwards,” then forwards again, etc. Change changes all the time. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything wrong. It just leaves room for regular self-reflection (on your own and in therapy) to help you make adjustments when needed.
Everyone’s experience is unique, but having expectations that are too high or unrealistic will set you up for a more difficult experience. If you’re not sure about the expectations, have a conversation with your therapist about it.
Be honest. Now, this one doesn’t always happen right away, but being fully honest with yourself and your therapist is essential to true healing.
Personally, I don’t expect new clients to be an open book right away or even within the first few sessions (maybe longer depending on their history). I know that I need to gain their trust, build a strong foundation, and allow them to feel safe with me before that can happen. All I am looking for is forward movement with even small amounts of honesty revealing themselves as we continue to work together. When appropriate, I’ll have an open conversation about it with clients to observe with them and try to identify what might be holding them back from opening up more and if there is anything they or I can do to help them get there.
Even as a therapy client, I didn’t reveal everything with my current therapist right away. I felt we were a good fit but that still didn’t mean all of my guards were down. And good therapists understand that trust and opening up takes time for many people.
If you don’t feel like you can achieve some of these right now, that doesn’t mean that therapy isn’t for you or that you won’t be successful in therapy. Like I said, everyone’s experience is unique so maybe you don’t need all of these to help you have a successful therapy experience.
Or it could mean you are not in a place where you are ready for change, self-exploration, and gaining a deeper understanding of yourself. And that’s okay!
I am now in a place in my life where I enjoy therapy and benefit from it, but it wasn’t always that way.
If you aren’t in that place right now or you’ve had negative experiences with therapy in the past, I just ask that you don’t write off therapy all together. I may be biased, but I think everyone can benefit from therapy at some point in their lives.
So for now, maybe try some other self-improvement, mental / emotional health self-care, and reassess where you are at in 6 months. Just because therapy might not be a good fit for you right now doesn’t mean it won’t be in 6 months, 1 year, or 5 years from now.
Best of luck to you wherever you are on this journey <3